I wonder if many people ever think about letting a pet choose them. We decide we want a particular pet & we find out where we can get this particular pet from & we go through whatever the process is to prepare for the pet, then we pick it out & bring it home. Have you ever imagined someone else deciding who you are going to live with for the rest of your life? I know that seems absurd to most of us, we pick out our roommates (maybe not short term college dorm roommate), our spouses, friends etc…
We should give an animal a say in who they are going to live with too. It is obvious the humans are going to decide the type of pet they can & want to live with. There are deciding factors, such as the size of our residence, pets restrictions where we live, any allergies, our finances, time we have to give to the pet, space for the pet, what type of pet we like/want. Once it is decided on the type of pet then the research starts. Lets say you plan to adopt a pet, you start your search on a pet adoption website & you find a pet you like. You read the pets full description & any information provided about the pet, if it sounds like a good fit then you fill out the application or contact the rescue depending on their process. When approved you will make an appointment to meet the pet. I always recommend everyone living in your residence attend this meeting, I mean everyone. I have heard “my son is off to college”, but he lives with you all summer & on breaks. You can’t assume this animal will like this person & it is not fair to the person or animal if there is an issue.
My sister got a small Shih Tzu mix from a shelter & it needed some grooming so she asked me if I could help cut some knots out of its fur. Being an animal lover & wanting to help my sister I said yes. I was totally surprised to find that every time I spoke this dog was so scared. I could brush it & cut away knots, but I couldn’t speak or it shrunk down or tried to get away. We didn’t know the history on this dog, but obviously someone that had a similar voice to me wasn’t nice to this dog in some way. If this dog had to live in a home with me that would be unfair. Would it eventually get used to my voice? probably, but in my opinion for the months it might have taken that seems unfair. A new pet should feel safe & be able to feel it can relax & get used to the new homes routine & people without feeling scared of a family member.
The Yellow lab pictured above was a dog I fostered & I had two families interested in her & I told both families not to get their hopes up. Both families had filled out applications & were approved before meeting her. I told them I was letting Gypsy pick who she was going to live with. I will be honest I was a little concerned that being a Lab & she was friendly to everyone. One family had two kids (approximately 10 & 12)than the other family (had older teens). I intentionally told the parents not to get the kids hopes up & just tell them they were just going to see a dog, no promises or plans to definitely adopt the dog. I told them they could tell them they were stopping at a ladies house & maybe not even tell them about the dog. I was not happy when the 12 year old girl started telling me all the things she had for Gypsy at home & not sure of all else she said,but it was obviously they had lead this girl to believe they were adopting her. When both families met her it was so obvious that Gypsy had chosen the family she liked more & it was not the one with the younger kids. The difference in her engagement with the one family was so obvious. I think she thought she was a lap dog at 65+ lbs. Gypsy liked the younger kids, but the mom showed little interest & Gypsy must have felt it, she didn’t really try & engage much. I know in most homes kids don’t usually end up caring for most of the pets needs, so the care would have fallen to the mom who didn’t seem excited about the dog. I called the family with the kids & told them Gypsy had chosen the other family. They had to explain to their kids that they weren’t chosen, it would have been easier if they hadn’t gotten their kids’ hopes up.
The dog above was another dog that I fostered. I had a senior couple fill out an application to adopt, they were approved on paper. Their adult daughter had agreed that if something happened to her parents she would happily take the dog. There was construction on my street & it was all torn up so I agreed to do the meet & greet, home visit & possible adoption all in the same day. I drove over an hour with the dog to their home. They had a nice home with a fenced yard & they were nice people, but Cody was scared of the husband & would not stay in the same room with him. I stayed for a while & to give him time, we even went outside & tried treats, but he was having nothing to do with him. I finally said this is not a good match & told them I would keep my eyes out for another dog that might interest them. Sadly their daughter wrote me a nasty email that was uncalled for as she had seen the dog was scared of her father. The dog found a great home with a nice family & he liked all of them immediately including the husband/father,
When I got my parrot Sassy I had every intention of getting one of his sibling(he had 2), but it was pretty obvious Sassy chose me. I was sitting on the floor with all 3 at the breeders home & Sassy would not stay away from me. He would crawl on me, poke at me & his siblings were good with me, but even the breeders commented that I was picked.
When I went to meet my dog Hunter to potentially adopt I was told he was much more into dogs than humans & showed little & almost no interest in interacting with humans. He had been a stray, so little was known about his past, he was about 9 months old & we soon figured out he was most likely kept in a dog run. He had chewed down his lower front teeth & the damage was consistent with chewing on chain-link fencing. While at the foster home we were all sitting out on their deck & there were about 11 dogs, 4-6 adults & a 3 yr old girl at the home. I was sitting on a dog bed on the deck. All of a sudden the foster parents gasped & I was like ‘what just happened’. Well, Hunter had come up & plopped 1/2 way onto my lap & they said that he had never approached anyone or showed any interest in touching any human. They were like ‘you need to adopt him’. That connection is still very strong to this day almost 5 years later.
I waited a bit(a little over a year) to adopt a second dog because his foster mom had asked me if I would consider that. They said in the month the rescue/shelter had him he had never bonded with a human, so they wanted him to have that opportunity to fully bond with me before he bonded with another dog. Hunter had a dog buddy at his foster home that had been adopted shortly before I met him. When I was looking to adopt dog # 2 a very important factor was would Hunter & this new dog click & become buddies. I believe humans & animals should connect, I also believe animals that are going to live closely & interact they need to connect as well. My dogs Sam & Ace were never real buddies, I misinterpreted some things & I was newer with fostering & didn’t have the dog knowledge I do now. Ace probably would have been happier as the only dog, not that he didn’t like dogs but he was more indifferent to most. He was great with all the other furry pets I had throughout his lifetime.
When I met Echo I took Hunter with & luckily the foster family had a pole barn that was mostly empty & the dogs could roam around. We kept leashes on them (dragged them) so we could separate them if needed. Hunter & Echo both lived with other dogs so I wasn’t overly concerned. Hunter can take a bit to warm up to some new dogs, but Echo showed him right away he wanted to be friends & he play bowed & tried to give Hunter his toy. Hunter ignored him at first, but eventually I saw signs he would be good with Echo. I asked if I could take him home for a week to see how they do before we finalized the adoption. I filled out the contract & paid the fee, but they agreed to hold it for a week. She lived 3 1/2 hours from me so I really hoped it was going to work out, & it did, Echo will be 5 in May & his 4th adoption anniversary will also be in May. They are the best of buds & both are very bonded with me as well.
I adopted a Canary last month & I also decided to let the Canaries decide which one was more comfortable around me. The bird rescue had two canaries available for adoption, so after I filled out my application & was approved I made an appointment to go visit them. I saw both canaries & one immediately went to the back of its cage & the other moved closer to the front. I walked away for a bit to give them some time & returned & the same thing happened. I came back a 3rd time when the volunteer was ready to get my Canary choice out of the cage & into my carrier. I pointed at one & said he chose me & the 2nd volunteer gave me a glance like ‘what.’ I said “watch” & I stepped closer to the other cage & the bird went to the back of its cage. I stepped away & he came more forward & the one that chose me came forward & started to sing. A Canary isn’t going to sing if concerned or scared. I think the one volunteer didn’t realize a small bird could/would choose a person. She had stated earlier she was a bigger bird person.
I have mentioned some things I have observed when matching humans & pets, but here are a few more things that can help you see if the pet is choosing you as well.
- Putting their head in your lap (usually with a dog).
- Climbing into your lap.
- Nudging your hand for attention.
- Leaning their body against you.
- Soft eyes.
- Slight open mouth (relaxed).
- Gentle tail wag (not fast, circles or high).
- Comes willingly.
- Sniffs you.
- Stays within your personal space.
- Showing their belly (can be submissiveness or trust, needs to be evaluated in context).
- Being enthusiastic.
- Jumping gently (not aggressively).
- Bringing you a toy.
- Slow blinks (cats).
- Turn their back to you (cats).
- Soft ears (not pinned forward or back) .
- Rubbing against your legs (cats)
Calmness doesn’t mean dislike if still staying in close proximity to you. Be respectful of their boundaries if the pet walks away, allow them to return on their terms. They may just be processing you & your presence.
Having a pet that is truly bonded to you is a wonderful thing. They usually are less apt to roam if they get the chance, they will guard & watch over you & the home. They are more relaxed & less stress can lead to better overall health. Pets can lower our stress levels as well & the closer the bond the more likely that is.
I hope this has helped you to realize a pet can select/choose their human family as well. This is true whether the pet is a baby or an adult, so I hope next time you plan to add a new pet to your family you will be open & willing to walk away if you don’t sense a pet is choosing your family. There are lots of pets out there needing homes & if it takes a little longer to find the one you connect with, but I promise it will be worth the wait.
If you are enjoying my blog please help me to get the word out there so more people will find my blog. You can help in several ways. Click the like button at the bottom of each post. Subscribe to my blog. Comment on posts, share something you learned or experienced. Share the link to my blog on your social media sites or email it to the animal lovers in your life. Visit often & check out my other 127 posts on this blog. My goal is to reach as many pet lovers as I can & use my 20+ years fostering pets & a lifetime of pet experiences to help more pets Thrive & not just survive. Education is such an important thing & it can help us help our pets to live longer & better lives. If you have a question & want to reach out to me directly, my email is echoinggreatpetcare@gmail.com Thank you, Debbie
Echoing Great Pet Care 